Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
