I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
