i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
