therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have aggressive nipples.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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