Kareoke will never be a sober sport
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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