he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
