I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
