Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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