well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
