We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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