So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
