im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
