new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
