Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
