Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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