I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
