she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
