do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
