Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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