I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize