oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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