i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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