I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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