Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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