This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
