College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
