I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
