Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
