Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
