Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
