just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
