Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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