I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
