Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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