Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
