Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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