So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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