So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
