He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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