Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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