Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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