So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
