you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
