remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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