My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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