Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
