I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
