YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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