life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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