You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
