She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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