You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
