If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
