They should really pass out barf bags in church
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
