My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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