At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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