I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
