If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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