meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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