Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
