I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize