my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
