Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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