my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
