Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
