and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
