how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
