a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
