I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
